It’s the type of rain that makes your feet ache and your heart focus on all that you are missing. This is the 8th straight day of rain and I am feeling tired. I used to believe that weather had no hold on me, that even in the coldest or most depressing of weather days, I could shine like a rainbow and pretend that I glided through the day on a magical unicorn. Not anymore.
In reality, as a writer, I should love this contemplative weather. The pause in beauty gives me time to regroup, gather my thoughts, and contemplate my past and present. But, I am leaving out one key factor here, weather like this makes me lazy and sad. In fact, weather like this makes me want to drink coffee in bed, eat a large amount of raspberry danish while wearing my pajamas, and sleep until 4 pm. Then, get up, eat some potato chips, drink some wine out of a coffee mug, and fall back asleep. The "Cycle of Healing," is what I call it.
When it rains during October and November, I always think of the epic Guns N' Roses song, "November Rain." Often, "November Rain," makes me think of the field trips we had in elementary school at the local roller rink. How, when the slow songs would come on, you'd grab a boys hand and skate in circles, without exchanging one word. Then, I begin to think about my childhood, how everyone I love is getting older, that there is a lot to be scared of in the world, that my cats are almost 16 years old and...you see where I am going with this. Life isn't pretty.
This has been my view for the past week...a rain soaked window that clouds my view of the mountains and the home of my neighbor, Jim. As we left our apartment the other day, H rolled down his window to say hi to Jim and we chatted for a few minutes. Jim talked about the weather, how the rain isn't supposed to stop until next week, how he hopes the creek over yonder doesn't flood, and how he saved a woman during the last flood from her car as water rushed over her by the freeway entrance. There is something about dark skies, overflowing rivers, and saturated grounds that make me feel uneasy. I contribute this anxiety to a sailboat trip in the 1980s when my uncle took my sister and I out on his sailboat in Indiana. It was nice spending time with my uncle and sister out on the water until our boat flipped over and I got caught under the sail for a brief moment. When my head hit the fabric and I couldn't get out from under the sail immediately, I freaked out. Ever since then, the idea of being surrounded by water or drowning makes me anxious.
So, when faced with huge amounts of rain and the likelihood of flooding, I ask you, isn't staying in bed, drinking wine, and stuffing my face with potato chips the grown up and safe thing to do?
I thought so!