Day 28: Apologizing

  The other day, while sitting in circle, a student who had been upset and crying outside because a friend hurt her feelings, leaned over to me and said: "I'm sorry I'm crying over something so small." My heart sank because I knew how she felt. I looked our sweet student in the face and reassured her she had nothing to apologize for, that her feelings, no matter what they were, were valid.

  Why is it so easy to recognize the pain or sadness of another human as valid, but it's such a challenge to honor and validate my/our own?

  I've struggled with not only validating my own feelings but even recognizing them.  Over the summer, with my sister and nephew in town, I was sure that the nausea and trouble breathing I was experiencing, were due to an asthma attack. My hands and fingers cramped up and I felt like I was hyperventilating.  My husband took me to urgent care where the doctor listened to my symptoms and asked if I was especially worried about something.  I was but I said I wasn't. I thought that while I was extremely worried about things there was no way that my body was reacting to the worry, that it had to be my asthma.

  I struggle with acknowledging and seeing my struggles.  I don't respect the fact that they have the power that they have. I'm worried that if I dig too deep, I won't be able to climb back out.  But, my body can feel that and even physically takes over to show me that I do have worries I need to sit with.  The body is insane.

  This week and the weeks to come, I'm going to work on honoring and uncovering the emotions I have, without apology.  Thanks to the reminder from a tender-hearted student. 


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